For the past 28 years since the summer after 4th grade, I've trapped myself in the same story, convinced that my body is a problem: The way it looks, the way it feels, the way it functions or doesn't function - one big, chronic problem. This notion has been so pervasive that the last time I can honestly say I *didn't* see my body as problematic or shameful was when my age was in the single-digits... and yet it is a story I'd never even fully put into words until a few days ago.

This way of seeing my body... of seeing *myself*... led to numerous circumstances through which I learned to treat myself extremely poorly: With lack of compassion, oversized expectations, judgement, and nothing even close to gratitude. It led to treating myself in a manner that is generally quite the opposite of how I respond to others in my life; I became my own worst enemy and my own harshest critic decades ago, and have remained so ever since.

But I just can't do it anymore. I'm done having such contempt for my body...and I'm actually a bit angry that it took me this long to get here! My body has housed me and sheltered me for almost THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS(!); it's faithfully taken the various forms of poor treatment I've thrown at it, time and time again; it has protected me and shown up for me even through my lack of kindness; it has been the first home in which my babies grew; it allows me to connect with the people I love; it affords me the ability to experience all the glorious and painful and gloriously-painful aspects of life. My body doesn't deserve what I've put it through over the last 28 years.

So, yes, I'm done. I.Am.Done! I am no longer torturing myself by stepping on the scale each day simply to link my self-worth to the number that blinks back at me. I am learning more about eating intuitively and focusing on what feels good to me at a holistic level. I'm having more conversations that allow me to further identify and turn down the volume on my self-judgement. I'm allowing myself to listen to my own physiological and emotional cues, instead of allowing my actions to be dictated by shame.

It isn't easy, but I'm determined. Because I refuse to keep buying into a culture of dieting and self-loathing and lack of balance. I refuse to keep tacitly sacrificing myself and my self-worth for the sake of some deeply ingrained societal flaw that puts unattainable expectations on a pedestal. And I refuse to keep unintentionally modeling those types of unrealistic expectations (and the unhealthy ways of dealing with them) to my 2 young, very-impressionable little boys. They already have a mama who thinks they're beautiful no matter what - that part is easy for me. But I'm also going to do my damnedest to show them that *all* bodies are welcome and worthy, including my own. They deserve that. We *all* deserve that... including me. So... it's time to write myself a new story. I'm ready. 💜